Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
