Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
