girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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