VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
