You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize