I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
