Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
