I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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