She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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