after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The best revenge is premature balding
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
