Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
