whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
