i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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