what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
