After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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