I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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