remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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