my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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