If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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