I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
