Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
