Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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