omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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