totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
