He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
