I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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