when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
