apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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