I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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