you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
