Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
