She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
