did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
