Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
