Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
