he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
