So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
