Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Semen is not good for contacts.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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