Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there was a trapeze. enough said
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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