Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
