And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
