...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
