Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
