Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
