Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
