ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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