You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
