so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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