there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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