singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
