She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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