so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
