I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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