yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So much rum. So many feels.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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