can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
