I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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