2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize