So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize