you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
