Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
