Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shame - the story of my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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