The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She said her name was "party"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
