hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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