Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
