You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
