where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
