Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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