i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
