He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
