Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
