if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
