im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
