There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
