I want to have your abortion
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
third nipple confirmed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
