So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
