White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
