hotel room ftw
id be glad to
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
