He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize