i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
honey bunches of taint.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
