bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
