I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
