I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize