So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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