Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
