I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize