I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
