i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
