I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Congratulations! We have a period
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
