Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
