week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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