There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
