I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
