Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize