my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
